But unlike the 1,000+ other nitwits on launch day, I chose not to stand in a 3 hour long line (on a Friday night) to get my hands on one. I instead chose to hang at my favorite dive bar, tossing back beers with friends. I do not regret this decision.

In fact, I haven’t waited in line for much of anything, since some friends and I camped out overnight for a Playstation 2 back when I was in college. But to be fair, we were young, we were probably intoxicated, and let’s face it…we didn’t have anything else to do. These days, the only things I really tolerate waiting in line for, are grocery checkout and airport security. Neither of which I like. I just have no choice.

Right, so iPad2. I want one.

I’ve decided that there are three things that are pulling me towards this device. First, I find myself constantly fiddling with my phone, whenever I am sitting on the couch watching sports. Looking up stats, matchups, scores, whatever. I currently do it on my Android device, which is workable, but not great. iPad would be WAY better for this. And I do this A LOT, so right there, tons of use. Second, I don’t read as much good stuff online as I used to. I just don’t have the time anymore, and frankly since Bloglines committed suicide (I know it has since come back), my mechanisms for reading long form stuff changed in a way that just threw off my rhythm. The iPad will be a good before-bed magazine-style reading device. I think. And then lastly, with the HDMI out, the ability to hookup to any tv easily, is a big selling point for me.

The problem is, you can’t get one of these things unless you are willing to get up at 5am to wait in the aforementioned lines, or pay some ungodly sum to someone who DID wait in line, via the secondary market.

But at what point does the seemingly intentional squeeze on the supply side, take those on the demand side from sense-of-urgency excitement, to flat out annoyance and aggravation? I am no economist (I only half-heatedly and occasionally play someone who is sort of interested in basic microeconomics), but I imagine there is some graph/curve/theory here of how to properly balance this control of supply to fuel demand without alienating potential buyers.

I suppose it’s a somewhat messy thing to accurately measure, since it really combines quantitative and qualitative data in sort of a goofy way. But still…at this point, I am starting to get annoyed.

On an average day, I’d say I get 6-12 cold call/email pitches from social media and online marketing companies. And I don’t know what most of them do. And this is after talking them for a few minutes on the phone and/or visiting their website to try and see what it is that they actually do.

The reason is, that most of the pitch content, or the big intro text on your average social media marketing services company website, sort of looks like this:

• With XXXXX, the unique combination of our proprietary technology platform with an expert service team helps SMBs build and optimize their Web presence for the purpose of driving online search discovery, powering reputation management, and managing social media marketing.
• XXXXX is a cost-effective and easy-to-use multi-user application that helps global brands, small businesses, and marketing agencies build, engage, and measure all of their social media marketing communication via one platform.
• XXXXX uniquely provides the full service,”end-to-end” social media solution to infuse the value of social across the enterprise
• XXXXX’s cloud-based integrated marketing automation software enables B2C and B2B marketers to take control of marketing operations and campaign management like never before, eliminating internal silos with streamlined workflows and executing innovative multi-channel campaigns to drive measurable ROI.
• Over a decade of experience and extensive study combine to create our approach for helping you discover how to create networks that deliver real business results — and why it is imperative to remain competitive.

Um…what?

Now no offense specifically to the above companies (those are actual bits of text taken verbatim from websites), but for all of you guys and girls out there pitching some sort of toolset or solution for online/social marketers, you’ve got to lose the nonsense marketing speak and just tell me what you DO. Simply and quickly.

I’m not even that important, but I definitely don’t have the time (or interest) to listen to 10 minutes of marketing speak, and read more of it later, all in an effort to just understand what it is you are trying to get me to buy. Most people like me that I’ve talked to (in-house online brand managers), get a TON of pitches in a given week. And after the first couple, they all just sound the same. So if you are trying to pitch me, or people like me, here is what I would recommend:

1. Do some pre-research. I know we have a bunch of Facebook fans, and I know we have a fun brand. But if that’s as far as you’ve gone, it isn’t a good start. Spend 15 minutes and look around at what we are doing, what we are not doing. Look for specific ways that we may be able to use your service, and come to the call with some actual examples of how you can help me. Jumping right into a 5 minute speech about “engagement”, “the cloud”, or your “proprietary marketing software”, and then waiting for me to tell you how it may fit with our programs, isn’t going to work. Show me you’ve done a little homework, and then pick a problem that we clearly have, and tell me how you can solve it. Now I’m listening.
2. Make your website and marketing materials concise. Be sure to clearly state which problem(s) you solve, and how. Again, assume that most of the people you pitch, are hitting your site quickly, and if they don’t see what they need, they move on. You’ve got 30 seconds (tops) to catch their interest. Skip the fade-in and fade-out flash intro with the buzzwords, and just tell me what you DO. And for god sakes, don’t tell me you DO “engagement”. If you are in the social media/marketing space, you obviously DO engagement. That’s like selling to the manufacturing industry by telling them you “help companies to make and build things”. Tell me HOW you facilitate engagement, not THAT you facilitate engagement.
3. Pare it down to what you do well. Just because you CAN offer fifteen different services, doesn’t mean you should. And it certainly doesn’t mean you should list them all on your website’s front page. I’m not impressed that you do SEO, custom app development, consulting, marketing, branding, monitoring, babysitting, cooking, driveway shoveling, and graphic design…I’m confused. And I’m skeptical that you can possibly do ALL of those things well. Pick your big strengths that make sense together as a package service (two…maybe three), and promote and do them well. Once I get in the door and become a customer, cross-sell me on some of the other smaller services when the time is right. Ever read the The Paradox of Choice? No? Read it. More isn’t always more. It’s usually less.

Good talk. See you out there.

This happens EVERY year around this time. You see some report, on some blog or another, where marketers are about to jump off of a bridge due to a 10% decline in monthly traffic compared to January.

Hold up. Wait a minute.

Is your traffic REALLY down 10%, or are there…like…10% fewer days in February?

January has 31 days, and February (leap years excluded) has only 28. A difference of 3 days, or 10%. So take this into account when looking at your February numbers before panicking.

According to my favorite nerd/dating/statistics site OkCupid, there is a correlation between men and women that like the taste of beer, and men and women who will consider sleeping with someone on their first date.

If you know me, you should already know about the OkCupid blog, but if you don’t….do check it out. It’s fantastic.