I’ve had it. Go to Florida. Enjoy yourself. Move to Del Boca Vista Phase Three. High five. Revel in the cookie cutter housing developments, the swampland, the strip malls, the humidity and the old people. Send me a postcard.

I am sick of having conversations with people about their impending moves to the sunshine state. I am sick of defending places like Boston, Los Angeles and San Francisco, and explaining that the reason Florida is so cheap, is because it is a complete pile of humid, gator infested, crap. I am done. This is the last gasp of a person quickly losing interest in this conversation. There are two good things about Florida. Disney World, and the fact that it is 1,300 miles away from Boston.

Yes, I understand that Boston is expensive. I know that it is one of the top five cities in terms of cost of living. That is because people want to live here. Whenever I ask people why they are moving to Florida (and this happens fairly frequently), the conversation is inevitably the same. It goes something like this:

Me: So why are you guys moving to Florida?
Them: It’s cheaper than living around here (followed by a deflated shoulder shrug)

Never once has it ever gone like this:

Me: So why are you guys moving to Florida?
Them: Because it is the awesomest place ever! I can’t WAIT to go to Florida!

I will never understand this mentality. Why move to a place that you don’t want to live, only to get a crappy made-to-order house for crappy made-to-order house prices? “So you can OWN something stupid!“. Spare me. Explain again why I should put down $15,000 on a $150,000 “home” and pay an $800/month mortgage to stare out the window at other construction and people like this, all in hopes to be able to sell this house for $155,000 10 years down the road. Maybe I am in the minority, but I would much rather pump out $1500/month in rent to be in or around a major metropolis and reap the benefits of a city like Boston. Great bars, restaurants, sports teams, culture, history, people, economy.

And another thing, the “I can’t wait to get out of this weather” line isn’t flying either. Have you been to Florida? The weather isn’t nice there. When you aren’t busy ply-wooding up your new pre-fab estate to protect it from the hurricane du-jour, you are spending your time sprinting between air-conditioned buildings to avoid the uncomfortable ball-dampness that comes with 87% humidity. San Diego has nice weather. Florida has weather similar to a disaster avoidance race run in a sauna.

As Jerry once said to Kramer, after Kramer was caught in the condo clubhouse for not wearing sandals…”Kramer, these people work and wait their whole lives to move down here, sit in the heat, pretend it’s not hot, and enforce these rules.“.

Sounds great. Go Devil Rays.