I learned something about girls and directions this past weekend. Well, I shouldn’t say I learned anything…because that would imply that I gained some sort of knowledge or insight that I didn’t already posses. Let me put it like this. I didn’t learn that girls suck at directions, I was just amazed at the degree to which they suck at directions and more specifically the way their minds work when it comes to processing directions.

We had a wedding to go to in Connecticut this weekend (we live about 25 miles west of Boston). It was a friend of my girlfriends, so I assumed that she had taken care of the details, such as how to get there and where it was, and as a result of this information, when we needed to leave. Mistake number one.

I was told we needed to leave at 2, which I didn’t question until about 1:45 when it dawned on me that we are dealing with girl logic here (pardon the oxymoron). So I causally asked the simple questions that would be expected before you get in the car for a relatively long drive and here is how the conversation went.

Me: So is this in Southeastern or Southwestern Connecticut?
Her: I don’t know, why?
Me: You dont know? Didn’t you look?
Her: No, I know we need to go down 95
Me: How long will it take us to get there?
Her: I dont know, an hour?
Me: Well, how far is it?
Her: I don’t know.

At this point I am beginning to get frustrated, but then it starts to get real good. Hang on, this is a direct look into the directional lobe of the female brain. It continues:

Her: Well it usually takes us about an hour to get to [friend’s name] house.
Me: Ok, well where is it in relation to [friend’s name] house?
Her: I don’t know. Why are you giving me such a hard time?
Me: I am just trying to figure out how you arrived at 2pm as a leaving time.
Her: It usually takes an hour or so to get to [friend’s name] house, it can’t be that far from there. They are both in Connecticut.
Me: Are you kidding?

It continued on from there back and forth. Mostly her getting defensive and me trying to explain that you can’t determine a driving time from point A to point B if you have no idea where point B is. And bringing point C in as a reference has no bearing still if you have no god damned idea where point B is.

To my amazement, when two of her friends showed up. I asked the same line of questioning. Same answers, almost verbatim. Incredible.

Long story short, it was 150 miles from point A to point B and nowhere near point C. Probably slightly less if I knew where point B was and could have made adjustments to the directions she had. I will continue to do more research on this, but bear with me if there is a long time between posts. I am probably in the car somewhere. Going the long way.